It is four am…again. Not an hour of the day I care to see much of, but one I seem to be getting well acquainted with. Ah, yes…the chemo insomnia. I thought for sure that I would escape it since I had the chemo torpor just a few days ago. Sleeping during the day and at night don’t always go hand in hand. Well, c’est la vie, say the old folks, just goes to show you never can tell.
So here I am, sitting at my computer, and it is seventeen degrees outside. In Georgia. It took me seven hours to make it home today. Seven. Someone who works at my son’s school had to take him to a friend’s house. My husband got in an accident (including being hit by a police car) and had to walk for hours in the snow. My father spent hours in the car on treacherous country roads trying to get to my son. But we all made it home safely, together. We are all snug in this house with food and water and warmth. So in the long run, it doesn’t matter too much that I can’t sleep right now. I am able to be awake, alive. I am able to be grateful for the safety of my family.
A few days ago I was looking at this long long road and lamenting. Six months of treatment. It’s a long time. But today I am not lamenting. I was strong enough to drive for seven hours with my precious four year old, get her home safely, and do it without yelling! That right there proves there is such a thing as grace in this world. The strength to make it is within me. I know it is going to be much harder to tap into on some days, but it is there. Abiding. God is good, all of the time.